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About the Woodsmeister

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About the Woodsmeister

The Original Kirk Hasenmueller Instant Adventure

Note: The Instant Adventure is well over 20 years old now. It was sent to me in one of many hilarious letters by my good friend, Kirk Hasenmueller, partner in crime at the late but not very lamented Art Falcon Newsletter, which was a 'zine back before 'zines were cool. Heck, it was a 'zine back before anyone thought to invent a word for them. Kirk, otherwise know as Has ("pronounced 'haus', but not spelled that way, dammit!"), or, as I should say now, Dr. Has, has gone on to a career of shocking respectability as a medical doctor that few who knew him as a teenager would have been able to foretell. Anyway, my friends and I have been laughing hysterically at this for 15+ years, and the time has now come to unleash it on an unsuspecting world. My big contribution to this is reformatting it into the truly appropriate interactive format that it lacked in the 1980s, plus I have made some slight corrections and additions. The original title has also been changed slightly to avoid potential copyright infringement.

No dice! No fiddling with endless modules! No stubborn DMs! Only you and your brain (and possibly a pencil) are needed for this new innovation. A quantum leap backwards in fantasy role playing!

Your Situation

You are a dwarven fighter and amateur magic user. Armed with only a shield, a short sword, and 25 measly hit points, you face:

The Hidden Temple of the Sacred Volvo

Your mission is to find the holy pineapple which is enshrined with the sacred Volvo and thus achieve Nirvana, thus breaking the somewhat evil spell placed on you by the somewhat evil priestess Marie, causing you to have an incredible compulsion to buy real estate every time you sneeze.

You are also armed with three spells:

  • Summon James Caan
  • Create Explosive Runes
  • The Dreaded Mis Spell

You also have three scrolls

  • Fireballs
  • Invisibility
  • Healing (5 hit points)

Spells and scrolls may be used only once.

Choose the best answer to your predicaments. 1) You have traveled over mountains, swamps, hills, valleys and rivers for nearly two years. Finally, you come to an ivy-covered entrance in the middle of a deep jungle with a small mat on the floor that reads, "Welcome to the Hidden Temple." Do you: