FolkBlog

Over the past few days, I’ve been seeing articles about liberals wanting to move to Canada to escape the next four years of the Bush Administration, which will, of course be disastrous. That’s the coward’s way out. Stay and fight. Better yet, move to Ohio.

Yes, Ohio. The state that disappointed you so much. Come here and make it better. We’re a lot like Canada, except we’re in the United States.

• We have snow. I’ve lived in the extreme northeastern part of the state, where we get something called “lake effect” when the wind conditions are right. Canada has nothing on Northeastern Ohio when it comes to snow.
• We have hockey. In the event the NHL comes back in our lifetimes, we’d be honored if you would root for our Columbus Blue Jackets.
• We have Tim Horton’s. Literally. We own it. Well, Wendy’s does, and it’s based in Ohio, and pretty soon you won’t be able to swing a dead cat in Central Ohio without hitting a new Tim Horton’s around these parts that used to be a cornfield. In fact, Wendy’s #1, on East Broad Street, is now a combo Wendy’s/Tim’s. Plus, we have Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts, not to mention some really fine local donut shops. Columbus, Ohio, is Donut Nirvana.
• We have our own Great Lake - Erie. It’s not as polluted as it used to be, and the walleye fishing is pretty good.

There are some ways that we are not like Canada. We don’t have socialized medicine. Our distinct subculture is the Amish, rather than Francophones. We don’t have much competitive curling. We don’t slather our fries in gravy, but in Cincinnati we put chili on our spaghetti and then smother it in shredded cheese, which is just about as weird.

So, whaddya say? Come to Ohio. We could use you. The next election is going to hinge on what happens here. You won’t be alone. Almost half of us (48%) think like you do about our current Unindicted Corporate Criminal in Chief.

Come to save the country. Stay for the donuts.